My posting has become infrequent,
sporadic. Lack of discipline,
entropy, inertia, a failing appetite, a reluctant acknowledgement that my wife
and I are newly unemployed teachers, a dying father-in-law, witness to the
dismantling of two ESL programs that served several generations of adult
immigrants in Sacramento and helped it become recognized as the most diverse
city in the United States--any and all of these may be behind the scarcity of
recent posts. I try to be
generally upbeat in my posts, but it has been hard to be upbeat recently. Yet, in the end, what choice do we
have? Stew in our funk, or try to
enjoy life.
Currently we are in Indonesia,
visiting my dying father-in-law.
While the death of any parent is difficult, it is more so when they are
not near. Tjing’s mother died
while Tjing was getting her Master’s in Australia. She also had cancer, but her death was swift, happening just
days after being diagnosed.
Although Tjing was home within 72 hours of hearing the diagnosis, it was
too late. That loss, that failure
to connect with her mother one last time, is a hurt that haunts Tjing to this
day.
Despite the advances
of science, cancer remains an unpleasant killer. My father-in-law’s cancer of the tongue is particularly
insidious, not only making it nearly impossible to eat or drink, but also
robbing him of his voice. He
speaks as if muffled, choking on the tumor that mushrooms on his tongue and
down his throat. Still unbent in spine, he stands about 5’9’’ but now barely
weighs 90 pounds. A once vibrant,
social man who enjoyed morning walks and conversations with all manner of
people, he now spends most of his days in his room, wanting only, he says, to
die.
So yes, I’m in Indonesia, a
country I feel at home in and enjoy as much as any. Yet, it’s not exactly a vacation. Still, it’s hard to stay in a funk in Java, to not
appreciate the magic of its people, food, and culture. Soon there will be more postings on
some of that magic. This I
promise.